IF HEAVEN IS, OF OUR OWN DESIGN, I’LL RIDE MINE, ON HIGHWAY 129

With both excitement and a certain amount of fear, yes I’ll admit it, fear, I turned onto highway 129 just south of Maryville, Tn. I was approaching the dragon. I had been hearing from people and reading about this particular stretch of road for so long that I had to try it. For the first 20 miles or so I rolled through the countryside and hugged alongside a beautiful lake. A lake that looked like it would give a polar bear goose bumps. The road wound slowly and was nothing that I would write home to mom about. I wondered if the entire road was like this. After about 20 miles, the road pointed skyward with the promise of better curves to come. It did not take long before the involuntary sphincter tightening exercises began in earnest. A fellow biker told me about a certain set of serpentine curves where you can’t help but scrape a floor board, a pipe, or both. My floorboards were touched. Heck I was touched right on that sphincter activating button because it went into hyper drive. Scraping the floorboards sends visions of Curly from the 3 Stooges lying on his side on the floor spinning around and around yelling whoop, whoop, whoop. I slowed it down a bit roughly entering the curves at a whopping 15 mph. I know I’m a wuss but I made it. I’ll live another day to be brave. I promise. Next time. I’m sure the crotch rockets can scream by me doing wheelies, waving to the crowd as they are sipping a hot cup of coffee. I didn’t buy my bike for speed but for cruising.  There’s no “death wish” anywhere on my list. I know, I looked twice just to make sure it wasn’t in small print. With an enlightenment that comes only from a near death experience or an IRS tax audit, I  quickly developed a healthy respect for the dragon. She could be ridden but never tamed. Let your guard down and she’ll bite you or worse. The seductive lure of the dragon is the bane of many a downed rider.

The learning curve. It’s called THE DRAGON.

318 curves in 11 miles. Curves of which I could never have imagined on the strongest of mushrooms. Steven Spielberg or George Lucas could have made a fortune putting that road in an Indiana Jones or Star Wars movie. I had 2 days to ride the dragon and surrounding roads. I must admit the dragon was great but in all fairness, there are some other roads in the area that warrant a good long ride with some great scenery, killer curves and something I have a hard time putting to words. It’s more a feeling. The closest image I can relate to is to picture a young Indian warrior out on the open plains, bareback on his horse holding the horse’s mane. The horse is running as fast as it can , the warrior’s hair, the horse’s mane and tail riding in the breeze and the warrior saying to himself, “ life doesn’t get any better than this”.  That’s exactly the feeling that came to me and honestly I had to pull off and let my eyes clear. It was such a feeling. Few things in my life have had such an effect on me. That highway had its effect on me like no other road has ever done.

The road is a challenge with all the curves but there are far greater things than curves alone. There are the varied assortments of gravel strategically placed for maximum damage, both large and small furry scurrying creatures, cagers trying to straighten the curves with half of your lane. I missed the little furry creature that darted out of the corner of my vision never quite figuring out the exact type of animal it was. I missed the deer. I even missed the Mario kart driver who had me hugging the white edge line. I had matching white knuckles and skin tone, a funny taste in my mouth like either my fillings were melting or adrenaline was dumping into my system. I did know I am alive and my heart is strong after that one.  Sadly though there is a little puppy in heaven because of me with tire treads on his back. There were 3 puppies in the middle of the road when I rounded a curve. I stood on the horn and brakes. Two of the puppies felt it was time to leave but the last puppy just stood there thinking who knows what goes on in a little puppy head. I couldn’t see putting the bike off the side of the mountain for a puppy, that if it was special to someone would have penned it up from getting in the road where I could put tire treads on it’s back. I felt bad the rest of the day. I am an animal lover from way back. I don’t hunt or fish or do those “manly” things most guys do. I don’t relish the thought of taking anything’s life with the minor exception of my ex-wife, but the therapy is helping. 

The meat I hunt is found in a special cool place in my grocery store. The fish are there too but further down the aisle. If the puppy had lived it probably would have ridden the short bus anyway so in a way I saved it from a lot of earthly heartache.  Aside from the various assortment of creatures, road accessories(gravel) and demented drivers, the most dangerous part of my drive was in the Wal Mart parking lot. I have no beef with Wal Mart and hope to get my dream retirement job with them one day. I want to be the greeter. I talked to a greeter and I asked if he could hug the women. He said whatever the customer wants. Great.  That’s my future job when I reach that age where a hug is the best I can expect without cold hard cash. But back to the parking lot thing. I was leaving the lot when two teenage girls decided to play chicken with me. I had nowhere to go. Cars to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with .... no place to go. At the last possible minute they turned away from me and stopped.  They were still in my path and my only option was to yank the handlebars hard to the right. I still was so close, visions of a puppy with tire tread marks on his back standing at the pearly gates waiting to take a hunk out of my leg for ruining his day flashed across my mind. I threw out my left leg to brace for the impact. I glanced off the car but not before leaving a nice size 11-boot print on her left rear quarter panel. I can imagine her going home and saying in that sweet southern accent, “ daddy, this crazed biker came out of nowhere and for no reason decided to put his boot print in my car. Now daddy you know I would never do anything to hurt anyone. No little ole me”.  If you are out there and reading this, you owe me a new pair of underwear and a stiff drink.

All in all, the 4 days I spent on the road were the best I have ever ridden. I logged a little over 1300 miles and the people I met along the way, bikers and non-bikers were great.  Non-bikers, seem fascinated with bikes. They love the idea of riding but for the most part fear stops them from signing on the dotted line. Fear is my friend not my foe.  I would suggest to anyone wanting a ride like no other, to learn more about your bike, how you ride and fit with your bike, to experience on two wheels what others can never imagine, to ride the dragon and it’s many nearby roads.  It’s not just the sights but also the smells, the feel, the sounds, and if you leave your mouth open, the taste. The last item is not recommended; at least it’s not on my list.

Bo Eaves
Lima, Ohio, USA
Proud owner of a 2000 Yamaha Road Star

You can read more about the stretch of road that is, "The Dragon" at this link.